Saturday, December 19, 2015

Lost forever

A bud appears, blooms and blossoms with time, withers and fades away. Such is the law of nature. Once in an unfortunate while, a dark wind blows, and a fragile, fragrant rosebud vanishes, uprooting the lives of many -  crushing hopes, destroying dreams, shattering hearts ... leaving behind a soul consuming void.

It is perhaps life's cruelest irony that it takes an irreplaceable loss for us to value what we already have - everything we take for granted

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Unspoken Words

Unspoken words and thoughts drop like autumn leaves to the forest floor of the consciousness, to join others fallen before – to yellow, wither and decay and be trampled underfoot by the passage of time

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Instant Fiction

Their song played and he heard every note clearly for the first time. He knew he was over her when he didn't hear a memory

Monday, October 5, 2015

Instant Fiction

He had a hard, black heart; a heart of coal. She lit a fire and he burned true and bright, and when she left, her absence blew away the ashes 

Friday, October 2, 2015

Instant Fiction

She sang to me of unending love and togetherness. It was the loneliest song I had ever heard



I could hear her heartbeat against my chest as I held her tight, and I wondered how someone this close could be a million miles away




He woke up in the morning and looked at her side of the bed, out of habit, even though he knew she had left him. That’s when his nightmare began

Monday, September 7, 2015

Guilt


There is no greater motivator than guilt.  Guilt is greater than love, duty, honour, etc. put together. There is no act too great nor deed too base, that will be performed to eradicate this greatest of motivators. Ironically, it takes the smallest of transgressions from the aggrieved party for guilt to be released - one word in anger, one unfounded accusation, one perceived insult, one suicidal night of agony...anything!


Then, guilt is replaced by a moral high ground, indifference and a holier than thou attitude, and the aggrieved is now the guilty. The same people, the same situation, only their roles are swapped. C'est la vie.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Six Feet Under

Look for me
I'm six feet under
Look for me
I surrender

I cried for help
You turned a blind eye
Just looked away
And watched me die


Since that day
I'm six feet under
Soul in tatters
Heart rent asunder

Look for me
I'm six feet under
Look for me
I surrender

You shout my name
Straying behind me
You scream aloud
But you'll never find me


Look at me
I'm six feet under
Look at me
I surrender

Thursday, August 27, 2015

A Suicide's Story


I'm not wise or wonderful
I'm not so very old
But even then I do believe
A suicide's story must be told

They say that life's a struggle
And who ends it must be weak
I can't bring myself to agree
Atropos' job is for the meek

A warrior born was I
To stand and fight with pride
And all of life's challenges
Lay conquered in my stride

I may be called a coward
This battle I'm seen to flee
But though I strain my weary eyes
No battlefield I see

The chase holds no excitement
The hunt no longer bold
The flame that once burnt brightly
Flickers, dies ... it now grows cold

Won't keep the reaper waiting
Charon's boat I gladly board
Eternal sleep I do embrace

For verily I grow bored

The queer man and his quilt

He was a queer man. He'd read books, but only a little of each, at a time. He was afraid of taking in too much of a good thing at once. Just as he was unable to detect the subtle flavours in a fine malt after having one too many, he feared the same would happen with words. He would start a book, read a few pages, savor every word and thought, and then start a new book, sometimes not even from the beginning. He wasn't curious; he was a gatherer. He gathered words and sentences and thoughts, much as a girl gathered flowers in a field; not to make a perfect bouquet but simply to satisfy her desire. He stitched a patchwork quilt in his mind, every square a masterpiece, the pattern appealing only to him - ever changing, ever expanding. Nobody understood why he read just so, and he never tried to explain. People said he was queer. He simply smiled and draped his quilt around him. He was always cozy and warm

Monday, August 3, 2015

Instant Fiction

He tried to outrun his past every day. When he returned home, it was waiting for him



"This is the last cigarette I'll ever smoke", he said, as he tossed the glowing butt away. The gas station erupted in flames



Tears flowed down his face, as he stood outside her door. He wanted her to see, but the rain blinded her




They sat around the bonfire singing loudly. When the fire died and the singing stopped, they heard the snarling of the wolves surrounding them

Sunday, August 2, 2015

The last to go


What would be the last to go? He wondered as he slit his wrist. Although this was his first time, he knew how to do it right; being right was extremely important to him. Not those bumbling attempts of an amateur, no sir, that just wouldn't do! This was no act of impulse, or broken teenage heart; this was a well thought out and planned deed.
He cut upwards, towards the elbow, not across, as the silly ones did. He knew this wouldn't give the doctors much of a chance, were he even discovered in time. Time. What is death but a cessation of time? He digressed. It just won't do, he reprimanded himself. This was not the time for frivolous thoughts and whimsy. This was the time to observe, to discover...to learn. What would be the last to go?

He didn't look in the stream of rich, dark blood for fear or pride, as he knew he had relinquished those. He saw dignity leave, but that was only to be expected; he lay naked in a bath tub, with a slit wrist, wearing only  a grimace - nothing remotely dignified about that! Anger, nay, rage came next, swirling dark in the swiftly gathering pool on the bathroom floor, creating an ominous pattern on the pristine white tiles. He was unable to identify a pattern. He was sure he would. His defining qualities were gone, and baser ones followed. This didn't make any sense to him, as vanity, bias, luck and envy flowed in quick succession.

Irritation set in. The pain was ever increasing and it was exceedingly difficult to stay focussed. He had to know what he had within him, that which would endure. He saw love trickle away and the smile on his face served as a reminder that his sense of humour was still intact. Love is truly overrated, he thought, with an impish grin. FINALLY, he almost cried out at the sight of honour and duty, ever so glad he still had those. Lust was a precious few drops clinging on to his wrist, and that too dropped away. This clinging, this last little bit of futile resistance, was hope. "Abandon all hope..." This wasn't the time to recall Dante, although he might well be headed for Hell.

The pain was near unbearable and his vision faltered - strange shapes formed and vanished. Mist and fog. He could identify disappointment, as it washed over him like a tidal wave. Disappointment gave way to a nervous anxiety, as panic set in - HE HAD TO KNOW!
He couldn't keep his eyes open, nor could he think straight. Hell, he couldn't think at all!
All of a sudden, he felt an unfamiliar and complete peace descend upon him. An emotionless release of curiousity - the only thing that had kept him going thus far. He breathed his last thinking there was something yet remaining inside.

Were it possible to realize something after death, it would have brought him great joy to know he was right; being right was extremely important to him. But he wouldn't have recognized what remained, probably because he never even knew he had it.

She couldn't let him suffer any longer. She couldn't see his pain. She had to put an end to his curiousity and release him. She stayed when no one would. She was mercy.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

When I loved her
I should have known
The heart I'd break
Would be my own

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

HOME ALONE



Hot summer days are the worst! They addle my brain and leave me a little confused. Hot summer days are just great when you're playing with family and friends, I thought as I rushed up the stairs, and through the wide open door on the top floor. Home! Home sweet home, home cool home, home...WAIT! This wasn't home, screamed my brain, as the ball thudded on to the uncarpeted floor, while, mouth wide open, my panicked eyes searched for a single familiar object, a human, even a faintly recognized scent...there was none. I was all alone! All alone amidst unadorned walls, the harsh odour of paint thinner stinging my nostrils, the planks of wood strewn across the floor compelling me to watch my every step. A low moan escaped me as I frantically searched for my cozy bean bag, that was placed across the carpet, near the dining table, just for me. It was my spot, in my home, as I watched the birds flying, blue birds flying, freed from their cage. I'd lie there watching them for hours...WHERE WAS I?

Just as my low moan was about to turn into a mournful howl, I heard the sweetest voice in the world, and it came from the gorgeous girl next door. "ZEUS, you stupid mutt! Why have you gone charging into the neighbour's flat?" Hot summer days are the worst!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The old man and the newspaper


The old man sat at the park bench reading the day's newspaper. He was impeccably  turned out in a crisp, white linen shirt, dark blue suit and a regimental tie. His thinning gray hair was cut very short, showing scalp below; everything about him screamed military. The old man didn't seem interested in reading the newspaper in its entirety, as he kept returning to the front page time and again. He kept rereading the date and the headline, as if unsure whether it was truly today's paper. He kept glancing at his wristwatch, as if awaiting the arrival of someone special.
There was another paper on the park bench,  to the old man's left, which was exactly the same as the one in his hand - the same publication, the same date ... exactly the same except for the headline. Startled by a presence to his right, the old man turned to find a tall, handsome man, dressed entirely in black, who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, standing before him. "It's time", said the man in a sonorous voice, that brooked no argument.

Major John Watkins (retd.), of the Royal Fusiliers, having lived a life governed by honour and duty, was used to following orders. He carefully folded and placed the newspaper in his jacket's inner pocket before rising and following the mysterious man, who had begun to walk away. He glanced back at the newspaper he left behind on the park bench, as it started to disappear. He barely finished reading the headline before the newspaper vanished altogether - EX-ARMY MAN KILLS TWIN GRANDCHILDREN IN FREAK CAR ACCIDENT. He could have sworn he had engaged the handbrake before parking his car in his son's driveway, where the twins were playing. He smiled contentedly as he tapped his pocket which contained today's real paper, as he followed the dark man. He'd always said he'd sell his very soul to the Devil to keep his family safe.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Hunters' Moon


The silvery flakes floated gently to the ground, turned to stardust by the light of the full moon, as they settled on the ground, covering the earth in a soft, yet unforgiving carpet, the colour of fresh milk. The blackbird swooped down from her perch on the spruce tree and landed clumsily, as if in pain, atop a small mound, and began pecking away at the fingers of a small hand, that was yet to be shrouded by the falling snow.

Viho, or Viktor, as he was now called by his fellow villagers, stared at the moon through his window, as he drew hard on his unfiltered cigarette, the harsh black Russian tobacco irritating the back of his throat and filling his lungs with fire. Viho was a hunter, descended from a line of wise and fierce Cheyenne warriors. As a young boy, he was taught tracking and hunting, and the ways of the soldier by seasoned fighters, fighters who had fought against other tribes, as well as the paleface, and lived to tell the tale. Shamans, the magic men of the tribe, recounted tales of animal spirits and the afterlife, and he partook of age old wisdom with the wide eyed glee of a young boy. He was told of the Harvest moon, which was the full moon  seen closest to the autumn equinox. The native Americans also had a name for the full moon that came immediately after the Harvest moon; they called it the Hunters' moon or the Blood moon. Viho saw a blackbird, perched on a branch of the silver birch just outside his cottage, silhouetted against the huge Hunters' moon. It looked like she had something red in her beak.

A chequered life and the love of a good woman had seen Viho settle in a small village at the foothill of the Ural mountains, and with his knowledge of the woods and his skill at hunting, Viho (his name meant "chief" in his native Cheyenne) had quickly become an indispensable member of the small community in this remote pocket of the world. He was jerked out of his reverie as the cigarette burnt his fingers, and he returned to the two issues weighing on his mind - one communal and the other personal. A huge brown bear was terrorizing the village, and although Viho had set up bear traps at quite a few places, the bear had managed to elude them all. Also, his son was missing. All thoughts of the bear had been driven from his mind, as he had searched far and wide for his son, but he was nowhere to be found. He was an ill-tempered boy, always quick to anger, treating man and beast with equal disdain. He was only 12, but  no bird was safe from his catapult, and a stone would invariably catch one unawares, usually with a chilling finality. Viho had tried many a times to teach the boy the way of his people, to respect every living creature and to take a life only for food, but neither reason nor leather belt seemed to work.


The blackbird had her nest in a spruce tree and she had just hatched a brood of hungry, young chicks - chicks that she and her mate worked tirelessly to feed. As she took a moment to gaze upon her brood with pride, after a hard day's work, she felt something whizz past, and heard a sickening thud a second later. She heard a cry of anguish from her mate, as he was silenced forever and a young boy's shout of glee. Another whizz and her nest tumbled to the ground. Instinct caused her to flee in distress, as she saw a cruel boy with a catapult, and her whole life trampled beneath his boot.

The blackbird followed the boy home, and remained perched on the silver birch outside his cottage, day and night. She taunted him with her presence, following him incessantly; it was like she was daring him to hit her with his catapult. She kept at this for four weeks, and it drove the boy crazy; he wanted to kill the damn bird! He followed her deeper and deeper into the dark woods, places his father had warned him against going. He shot many a stone but she always managed to elude every stone by just a whisker; it drove him mad! This had never happened before!

It was the first full moon night after the equinox. The boy had followed the blackbird all day, and although he was deep inside the forest, as the full moon rose, he didn't retrace his steps home. He was determined to get her this time, and no beating from his father would change that. He saw her perched on a low branch for the first time in a month; he had his chance, at last! Moving noiselessly, he fitted a perfectly round stone, and took careful aim. He held his breath and let fly. The blackbird took flight at the very last moment but the stone caught her squarely on her left foot, as she tumbled to the ground. The boy let out a loud whoop of joy, as he ran towards her. He stumbled in the soft snow, but he ran with abandon, as the blackbird hopped painfully, hoping to elude his grasp. He closed the gap between them quite effortlessly and nearly had his fingers around her neck, as she suddenly took flight, and the bear trap shut mercilessly around the boy's leg. The large rusty jaws of the bear trap held him firmly, as his life blood spilled onto the snow covered ground. Nobody heard him scream, so deep in the woods, and he finally succumbed painfully to the bitter cold.

Viho continued looking out his window, and the blackbird's tiny silhouette against the gigantic Hunter's moon intrigued him. He was transported to being a young boy, sitting at a bonfire, listening to a story told by the shaman. The shaman was speaking of a blackbird, and he remembered him saying that the blackbird got its name, not from the hue of its wing but from the colour of its soul - vengeful and dark. Viho peered into the dark, and he thought he saw what seemed like a boy's finger in the blackbird's beak.